Friday, December 28, 2018

Proverbs 19:21

So, here I sit once again, nearing the end of another year and wondering WTF happened, while also praying, please God let next year be better!
I entered 2018 full of hope.

I was excited for the future. 
I had PLANS! 
But when we make plans, God laughs at us. 
God has a strange sense of humor though.  I mean, I can see him watching over me saying, "Silly child, don't you know by now?" Or better yet, "You gone learn today!"

I had moved into my new place a few months prior to the new year, work had me on the go and I was finally in a place where I was comfortably navigating my way through the job.
My salary wasn't the greatest and I was struggling to make ends meet, but I had hope that if I continued to work hard and show how committed I was, an increase wouldn't be too far off. 

I truly loved my job and what I was doing.  I felt I finally had a sense of purpose and enjoyed the people I worked with.
Then one day an email was sent out saying we would be getting a new boss and just like that, everything changed.
He was an outsider and came in with his own ideas.
He immediately set his sites on me and my coworker.  By summer, my coworker was the first to go and was transferred to another department, leaving me alone to handle everything by myself.  Things got really bad; to the point that I was so stressed, I was hospitalized.
Suddenly, nothing I did was right.
I went from having a perfect performance evaluation to being criticized for every move I made.
A few months later, I was told they were letting me go.
It hurt. A lot.
What hurt most (and still does) was knowing that I was damn good at what I did and I did nothing that warranted me losing my job. 
My position wasn't protected like my coworker's and I live in an at-will state.  
They didn't have to have a reason to let me go. 

While all of this is going on, I am still working my way towards a divorce while also digging myself out of a deep financial hole.
So, here I sit on December 28, looking at 2018 like, WTF?
Things didn't go as I had hoped, but 2019 is around the corner! 
It's a new year, right? 
I don't believe in that "new year, new me" crap, but I do try to enter the new year with hope and the belief that it's GOT to be better than the previous year.
I consider myself a very spiritual person, but also superstitious, which don't go hand-in-hand, but I kinda feel like the way my life is set up, I need all the good juju I can get! 

My New Year's Eve is spent at Watch Night Service in church, praying for better things in the New Year and letting go of troubles from the past.  
I also cook the traditional collard greens and black eye peas and place coins over the doorframes. 
This year, I'm hosting a burning ceremony and invited friends over.
There's a few things going into the fire this year, but mostly I'm making a list of things that I hope for in 2019.
I try to stay optimistic and not dwell on the negative.  Throwing myself a pity part does me no good.
When things are going bad, I try to praise God and celebrate the good in my life.
When things are good, I praise God and thank Him for all He's done for me. 

I've learned over the years that there's going to be struggles and even though mine come in bulk, I know that I'll get through them. 
I'm grateful for the challenges that I've had in life because it's only made me the strong  woman I am today.
One of the many values I've tried to instill in my sons is humility.  
It's important to remain humble at all times. No matter the level of success you may think you have accomplished, it can all be taken away from you. 
If you don't humble yourself, God will and it won't be good.
Your job, your home, your car, your relationship, your loved ones... whatever it is, can be taken away.
Just like that.

My problems won't magically disappear when the clock strikes midnight, but I have a new year to look forward to with new hopes, new dreams and new goals. 
Like I said, God has a strange sense of humor.
After leaving my husband, I said more the once that the only reason I was sticking around was because of my job. 

God said, okay and took the job away!
For the first time in my adult life, I don't have kids at home and I'm not someone's wife.  I can go anywhere in the country... hell... the WORLD! 

I don't like to make resolutions, but I promise you this; wherever this journey takes me, I will keep writing and bring you along. 
Here's to 365 blank pages. 
Happy New Year!

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